Therapists for Infidelity

On this page you will find therapists who list Narrative Therapy among their approaches for work related to infidelity. Each profile describes how practitioners frame their focus, methods and experience, so you can browse listings below to learn more.

Understanding infidelity through a narrative lens

When infidelity happens, people often carry powerful stories about what it means about them, their partner and the relationship. You might hear a familiar storyline running in your head or coming from family - a story that casts someone as untrustworthy, or as damaged, or that fixes blame in a way that feels inevitable. Narrative therapy, developed in Australia and New Zealand in the 1980s by Michael White and David Epston, begins from the idea that people make sense of their lives through stories and that some of those stories are thin and unkind. Rather than starting with a diagnosis or skill deficit, a narrative approach pays attention to the shape of the stories around the event of infidelity and to the values and commitments that people hold beneath those stories.

In practice you will find therapists who list narrative therapy among their approaches aim to separate the person from the problem so that the problem can be described, examined and responded to. This helps you see how the story about an affair - who is to blame, what it says about worth or futures - may be influenced by family lore, cultural expectations or past experiences. The goal is not to erase the hurt or to prove who was right, but to open space where different and richer stories about who you are and what you want can emerge.

How narrative therapy works with infidelity

A narrative approach uses a handful of core practices to work with the tangled meanings that surround infidelity. Externalising is often the first move - naming the problem in a way that separates it from a person. Instead of saying "you are unfaithful" or "you are damaged," the conversation might frame the issue as "the betrayal story" or "the secrecy pattern" so you can describe how it behaves, when it appears and the effects it has on daily life. Tracing the origins of the familiar story is another key practice. You and your therapist might look at the messages you received from family, culture or earlier relationships that shaped expectations about fidelity, trust and forgiveness, making it easier to see why certain conclusions felt inevitable.

Gathering unique outcomes is a deliberate search for moments that do not fit the dominant story. You and your therapist will look for times when people acted with integrity, communicated differently, or made choices that point toward a different future. Those moments become the seeds for re-authoring - the work of constructing a preferred story that better reflects your values and commitments. Some practitioners will bring re-membering conversations into couples work, inviting people to recall and emphasize memories that align with the life they want to live together. Other narrative practices you might encounter include outsider witness conversations and definitional ceremonies, where selected listeners reflect back what they heard to help the story gain new shape in ordinary life.

What to expect in narrative sessions for infidelity

If you choose to explore infidelity with a therapist who works narratively, early sessions often focus on mapping the problem and its effects. You should expect questions that invite description rather than judgement - when did the pattern start, how does it show up in daily life, what names or metaphors make sense for it. These early conversations are exploratory and may feel slow at first because they concentrate on language and on separating the problem from the person. Over time the pace can shift toward re-authoring conversations that foreground occasions where the familiar story was challenged or contradicted.

Questions in narrative sessions are likely to ask you for specific, detailed descriptions rather than generalisations. A therapist might ask you to describe a moment when trust was rebuilt even briefly, or to tell about the values you want to see honoured in your relationships. The work is conversational and collaborative. Many therapists who list narrative therapy among their approaches integrate other methods as well, so how much of any session is explicitly narrative will vary by practitioner. It is common for narrative practices to be woven with emotion-focused, systemic or skills-based work depending on what you and your therapist agree will help you move toward a preferred story.

Is a narrative approach the right fit for infidelity?

People are often drawn to narrative work when they do not want to be reduced to a label or when the dominant story about their situation feels unfair or incomplete. If you find that cultural scripts or family narratives are shaping how you think about blame, shame or worth, you may appreciate an approach that focuses on meaning and on rewriting the story rather than only changing thoughts or learning skills. Narrative therapy differs from approaches that concentrate mainly on thought content, such as cognitive behavioural methods, and from models that emphasise skills training or behavioural protocols. It also differs from approaches that primarily seek insight into early developmental experiences; narrative work is less about uncovering unconscious drives and more about the stories you live by now and how those stories can be revised.

That said, there is no way to tell in advance whether a narrative approach will suit you. Many therapists combine narrative practices with other approaches to address emotion regulation, communication skills or trauma-related responses where those issues are present. A first conversation with a therapist is usually the best way to find out whether their mix of narrative and other methods feels helpful for your situation. You and the therapist will often use those early meetings to clarify goals and to see whether the tone and focus of the work match what you want.

How to choose a therapist who works narratively with infidelity

What to ask before and during a first conversation

When you contact a therapist, it is reasonable to ask directly how much of their work is narrative and what a typical session looks like. Because listing an approach does not prove training in it, you can also ask how they describe the role of narrative practices in their work and what kinds of conversations they tend to have early on. Ask about professional credentials and whether they are licensed or registered where you live. These are practical checks you can make to understand the therapist's background and the context in which they practise.

During an initial conversation pay attention to how the therapist talks about the problem and about you. Do they invite detailed stories and moments that contradict the dominant narrative? Do they ask about your values and commitments as a guide to the direction of the work? Narrative sessions are typically conversational and descriptive, so a therapist who uses these methods will often enquire about specific events, metaphors and exceptions to the problem story. You will want to feel that the therapist listens for multiple strands of your experience rather than immediately offering advice or labels.

Practical considerations for narrative work online and in person

Narrative therapy is conversational, so it adapts well to video sessions where you and the therapist can speak and reflect in real time. If you prefer in-person meetings, you may ask whether the practitioner offers face-to-face sessions and whether the setting supports the kind of reflective conversation you want. Consider language, cultural understanding and experience with relationship work as part of fit. It is also helpful to clarify how the therapist handles couple conversations versus individual work, and whether they routinely invite outsider witness conversations or definitional ceremonies when appropriate. Remember that the directory records that a therapist lists narrative therapy among their approaches; that listing is a starting point for further questions rather than a guarantee of any particular method or credentialing.

Choosing a therapist is a personal decision and it is common for people to try an initial meeting to see how the relationship feels. You can use that first conversation to ask how the practitioner integrates narrative practices with other methods, what early sessions tend to cover, and how progress is understood in terms of new stories that hold up in everyday life. That way you and the therapist can decide together whether to proceed with a narrative-focused path or to include other approaches that address specific practical or emotional needs.

Moving forward with narrative-informed work after infidelity

If you proceed with narrative-informed work, the emphasis will be on practical, story-based shifts you can live into. Small unique outcomes accumulate - a different way of talking about trust, a new ritual that acknowledges repair, or a re-membered memory that supports a preferred identity. Over time these elements make a new story more available in ordinary moments. Narrative practices encourage you to notice and name those changes so the preferred story becomes the one you and others tell about your life. If you decide to reach out to someone from the listings below, you can start by asking how narrative methods appear in their sessions and use the first conversation to assess whether their approach fits the story you want to author next.